MRI Anxiety
An MS diagnosis comes hand-in-hand with a life-time Fast Pass subscription to your local MRI department (apparently Disney has done away with the Fast Pass system and my reference is out of date). You can read my previous post about the role of MRI in MS diagnostics and monitoring here. I’m scheduled for my regular MRI tonight at 10:20. I’m fortunate that the MRI experience itself isn’t particularly bothersome to me. I’m not claustrophic, so the St. Michael’s Hospital dungeon doesn’t send chills down my spine. However, I still face anxiety around MRI appointments. To quote Tom Petty, “the waiting is the hardest part” (admit it, I just made you sing those words in your head). After my MRI scan, I will get access to the radiologist’s report within about a week via MyChart, and I have to wait until my Valentine’s Day date with my neurologist to get a full account of the results. In the intervening period, Dr. Google will be hard at work helping me to interpret the radiologist’s report. I know they say not to do this, but I just can’t help myself. Paging Dr. Google!
MS can progress in a number of different ways: 1. A relapse, attack, or flare (the worsening of existing symptoms or introduction of a new symptom, which may be temporary or permanent); 2. Radiographic progression (a new lesion discernable on MRI scan, but which may be subclinical); and/or 3. Worsening on neurological exam, otherwise known as Progression Independent of Relapse Activity (PIRA). This MRI is being conducted to assess whether I have experienced radiographic progression since my last MRI in March 2022. Radiographic progression would be an indication that my Disease Modifying Therapy (DMT) is not doing its job effectively. I am fortunate that I haven’t experienced any new attacks. However, I am somewhat dreading the news of my MRI scan. I want desperately to hear that my DMT is doing its job and keeping me free from new disease activity. The rational part of my brain knows that this is the most likely outcome of tonight’s MRI. However, the pessimistic part of my brain is dwelling on the possibility of bad news.
I am not alone in experiencing a sense of dread while awaiting MRI results. It is so common that they have coined a term to describe it, “scanxiety”. This term is used in the cancer community, but I think it is equally applicable to the MS community. I take some comfort in knowing that my feelings about the MRI are completely normal. For now, I am trying to focus on the likelihood that my scan comes back clean, and not the slim possibility that it identifies subclinical radiographic progression. The results are what they are, and no amount of worrying will change them. At the end of the day, knowledge is power. If I am experiencing subclinical radiographic progression, it’s important to learn this and do something about it. However, scanxiety is very much a reality of my life these days.
